isn’t this beautiful moment you have with yourself while meditating after a great session of yoga. It’s this struggle between what IS (ego)/HAS BEEN and what IS(spirit)/WILL BE. And believe me, there is kicking, screaming, fighting, losing (of everything/nothing), tears, fears…. It’s a messy, chaotic, whirlwind MINDF*CK. Where I emerged a *butterfly* on the other end wondering, why did I struggle so much to get here?
After my kids flew the coop, I left on a journey of self-exploration, while exploring the world. All those things that I had started to feel when I turned 40 – needed to be done NOW. I had been bound by the responsibilities of business, clients, motherhood, social norms, parental expectations, titles, other ego-driven drives and especially other people’s expectations – all of those binds melted away when my kids left to start their own lives. Traveling the world took away those expectations and social norms – no one expects anything out of a clueless tourist. My kids, my business, my family, my friends, my community, my everything – were so far away, that I didn’t have to be anyone or anything for ANY reason, except to be true to myself. You might think this journey, alone, far and wide, is exactly what all those IG influencers want you to see – smiles and good times 24/7, right? That’s so far from the truth, it’s not even funny. I would laugh and cry, be confident and then be grappled with fear – all in the same day, sometimes in the same moment. The other side of that coin – the insecurity, the fears, the tears – no one shows that on social media.
It was during this time, in lands far, far, away, that the whispers from my spirit became a tsunami – I felt unfamiliar emotions, learned hard truths about myself, as well as the world and humanity. I saw how disconnected I had become – from my purpose, my desires, my community, Mother Earth, my spiritual family, my physical and spiritual body, and especially, myself. When did taking care of oneself become a dirty word? (Selfish) When did self-sacrifice become the golden ticket to Happily-Ever-After? When does “Happily-Ever-After even begin? What about now? What about me? I stopped asking and started listening – to myself. I began to heal the parts of my soul that I had put in a box to be dealt with “some day…”
Following my Spirit, I relocated myself to the mountains of Santa Cruz, in the middle of the majestic Redwood forest. I really had no idea what I was doing – only that I had a compulsion to do so, and NOT doing so, would crush the parts of my heart I had managed to heal. I have spent the last 1.5 years re-imagining a new life path for myself: One where work, purpose and joy all intersect to serve healing – mine, yours, ours, this life, Mother Earth and humanity. I rebuilt and remodeled my home to serve this purpose. It is with this healing intention of service that I have re-opened the doors of Pax Connex.
I have partnered with teachers and healers to bring you healing retreats: Pax Connex will now present and host retreats reconnecting you to Spirit, through immersion in nature, creativity, somatic movement, sound healing, meditation, laughter, joy, adventure and love. With the help of these various “sparks,” I hope to provide the container and support for the Spirit journey your soul desires.
If you are on your own journey, need a little help, or feeling stuck, want to reconnect to yourself, find your inner child, find your creative muse, find your laughter, achieve a sense of peace, hear from your Soul, be re-introduced to Mother Nature, and reconnect to Spirit, please reach out to me to learn more. There is no pressure to attend a retreat. It is something we offer, but our mission here, is to spread the love, the light, and the knowledge. I love having conversations with like-minded souls, hear your stories, and have you listen to mine. Re-connect with me today.
With a whole heart,